Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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