He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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