Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
