Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Life is so much better after having sex.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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