Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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