a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
