...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
