nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
