We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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