btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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