I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
