i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
