what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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