Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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