Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
