he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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