I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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