I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
