"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
