I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
