My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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