i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
