i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
