we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
