eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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