craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
