She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
