I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Threesome in a minivan. New low
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
