Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
the liver wants what the liver wants
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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