i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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