I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
