This is not my ceiling
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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