Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
