you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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