never play flip cup with pint glasses
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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