i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
