I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
