That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
