What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
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