Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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