No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
