just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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