Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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