I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
