I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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