i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
