I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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