The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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