Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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