i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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