smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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