Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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