i can't believe i had my finger in that
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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