Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
