Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
