i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
