So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
