How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Randomize
