I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
