her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
