How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
