If i come over, it means nothing
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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