This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
