Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
